Many people find the motivation to achieve their desired aesthetic goals by looking forward to a big event. Bikini season, a big vacation, a school reunion or, in my case, a wedding.
About one month, three weeks and a few days ago (but who’s counting?), I got engaged.
It was such an exciting night filled with so many smiles, happy phone calls and ring selfies. Since then, I’ve purchased a wedding planning book, made a few private wedding Pinterest boards and have started thinking about what I want my wedding day to look like.
I know I’m going to have to make decisions regarding the venue, décor, food, clothing and a million other things. I’m going to have to choose between casual or semi-casual, white or off-white. I’m even going to have to decide on the cutlery people will have to use. Hint: as long as it’s not plastic, I don’t care.
But there is one thing I care deeply about that I refuse to let anyone else determine:
I will not let the societal pressure to be picture perfect for my wedding dictate what I believe my body should or shouldn’t look like.
Everyone is faced with having to prepare for some big event and as most women know, part of the narrative around the big day says you must look your best – meaning lose weight, lose body fat, gain muscle or do something to manipulate and control what your body looks like.
We’re told that certain body types are more desirable, more worthy of love than other body types. We’re told that in order to be healthy and beautiful, we must be thin and that doing everything we possibly can to change our appearance and conform to that standard of beauty will somehow magically make us happier and solve all our problems.
I’m here to tell you that’s a lie.
As someone who’s had their fair share of struggles with disordered eating, I can tell you from personal experience that:
The weight on the scale, the amount of food you eat and the calories you burn have absolutely nothing to do with true happiness.
Dieting, losing a dress size or getting abs isn’t going to bring you happiness.
Happiness is loving yourself as you are right now. It’s treating yourself as you would a best friend. It’s honoring yourself by really listening to your mind, body and soul and giving it what it’s asking for without judgement, whether that be a bowl of ice cream, a big salad, a good workout or a rest day. Our bodies and souls are wise, but somewhere along the way, we’ve stopped trusting them and put our faith in the dieting industry.
I’ve spent way too much of my life letting a number on the scale, the size of my jeans and the food on my plate determine my self-worth.
So instead of focusing on my body in preparation for my wedding day, I choose to focus on strengthening the relationship with my fiance, spending quality time with friends and family and being involved in activities that bring me joy.
The day before my wedding, I hope to be eating whatever I want. I hope to see the happiness and excitement I will surely be feeling when I look in the mirror. I hope to greet friends and family with confidence and love.
But most importantly, on the big day, I hope to not be thinking about any of this at all.
**Update – I’m officially MARRIED!**
I stumbled on your blog through Pinterest and really needed this today 🙂 My wedding is coming up soon and I’ve had a really hard time not falling back into old ED patterns. Thank you for reminding me that my health and relationship with my fiancé is what really matters!
Beth, I’m so happy this post was helpful 🙂 I definitely know how you’re feeling and what you’re going through, so I’m so glad you found my blog. It’s little reminders like this that really make me never want to go back to ED. Thank you so much for your comment. Truly made my morning 🙂 Also, congrats on the wedding!
I didn’t diet for my wedding day either 🙂 But really, this post was great! Love your openness.
Woo hoo! More power to you! Gotta spread the message.
Well said, Isabel! You lots more important and fun thing to think about right now than your weight. True love is not just about physical appearance. Best wishes!
Thanks, Fabi 🙂
Great read. I am proud of you and inspired by you. 🙂
Thank you so much, Christine. Body image and disordered eating issues were a big part of my life for a while and now that I’m on the other side, I feel like it’s my duty to help others going through similar things. By the way, I absolutely LOVE your “Why I Write About Food” series 🙂
Thank you! 🙂 Hope you’ll post about your big day!
This is fantastic! I read an article over the summer with a similar message. I had never thought about it until then but now I am in full support.
Thank you so much, Beth. If you ever find that article, send it my way! I’d love to read it and share it with everyone as well. This is a message that people need to hear – so many are struggling with body image issues and disordered eating but are just too ashamed or uncomfortable to talk about it. Time to change that!